


Please Be a Bloody Hero Already

by Rathenon



Series: 1-800 BIG FOUR [2]
Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: Big Four - Freeform, Bromance, Gen, Humor, Laver Cup, M/M, Swearing, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-11-26 18:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18184460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rathenon/pseuds/Rathenon
Summary: TheDjoker: wait hold up i thought u guys were playing dubs??Rdotnadal: i tell u, all u guys make up weird things and get mad when they no come truSwissmaestro: yea what rafa saidSwissmaestro: we never explicitly said we’re gonna play dubs for sureTheDjoker: omgTheDjoker: you fucking liarsTheDjoker: did u hear that soundTheDjoker: that was the sound of my heart shattering into more pieces than the # of rafa's FO titles





	Please Be a Bloody Hero Already

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: not real

**Adotmurray:** ok so

 **Adotmurray:** on any other day

 **Adotmurray:** I would legit be the last person to say this about #fedal

 **Adotmurray:** but

 **Adotmurray:** seriously **@Rdotnadal @Swissmaestro** can we tone it down just a tad

 **Adotmurray:** bc now kim thinks I’m into bad tv soap operas

 **Adotmurray:** and I fucking refuse to sit through coronation st with her

 **Rdotnadal:** hola andy my friend how is the ice bath and your hip

 **Adotmurray: @Rdotnadal** better than the pitiful attempts to hide your ongoing love affair, that’s for sure

 **Swissmaestro:** we're literally just sitting together on the bench watching the match!

 **Swissmaestro:** how is any part of that

 **Swissmaestro:** a bad soap opera??

 **TheDjoker:** MY GAYDAR IS RINGING AND I AM H E R E

 **Swissmaestro:** omg **@TheDjoker** not you too I don’t need this rn

 **Adotmurray: @Swissmaestro** u guys were practically molesting each other on the sidelines and you're still doing it as i text!

 **Adotmurray:** **@Swissmaestro** anybody can see that ur love for rafa is like your french open title:

 **Adotmurray:** **@Swissmaestro** SINGULAR

 **TheDjoker:** OOOOOOO

 **Adotmurray:** okay not that i really mind the lovefest but could u do it when kim isn’t watching

 **Swissmaestro:** **@Adotmurray** you did not just go there u bastard

 **Rdotnadal:** :(

 **Rdotnadal:** **@Swissmaestro** it is ok i have more than enough FO trophies for both of us no?

 **Rdotnadal:** and  **@Adotmurray** it is just team spirit

 **Adotmurray:** lmao

 **Adotmurray:** team spirit my arse

 **TheDjoker:** ahh ic **@Adotmurray** that is unfortunate

 **TheDjoker:** but why don’t you just change the channel?

 **Adotmurray:** i would but i’m in my ice bath rn and the tv is only showing this and i can’t find the remote AND KIM THINKS I ACTUALLY ENJOY THIS SHIT

 **Rdotnadal: @Adotmurray** you must calm down andy it is not good for your hip

 **Adotmurray:** I AM CALM IT’S YOU TWO WHO NEED TO CALM YOUR HORMONAL INSTINCTS

 **Adotmurray:** DO YOU W A N T ME TO SIT THROUGH 58 SEASONS OF CORONATION ST

 **Swissmaestro:** alright ykw i have to say andy?

 **Swissmaestro:** in my humble opinion

 **Swissmaestro:** you absolutely fucking deserve this

 **Swissmaestro:** i sure hope kim is watching

 **Swissmaestro: @Rdotnadal** come on let’s huddle closer :)

 **Rdotnadal: @Swissmaestro** no idea y u text me when i sitting next to u, but sure :)

 **TheDjoker:** oof

 **TheDjoker:** a moment of silence for my fellow man **@Adotmurray**

 **Adotmurray:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Adotmurray:** ads;lkjdflkjlf;eaw;

 **Adotmurray:** fine w/e

 **Adotmurray:** i give up

 **Adotmurray:** coronation st marathon with kim here we come

 **Adotmurray:** just

 **Adotmurray:** leave me alone to my misery

 **Swissmaestro:** gladly :)

 **Rdotnadal:** feel better soon!!

 **Rdotnadal:** and tell kim that she is being very silly, like her husband

 **Adotmurray: @Rdotnadal** thanks i guess and **@Swissmaestro** you and your thick smug eyebrows can fuck right off

 **Adotmurray:** don’t lie to me i can see your eyebrows from miles away

 **Swissmaestro:** ಠ__ಠ

 **Swissmaestro:** don’t bring my eyebrows into this

 **Adotmurray:** well tough luck

 **Adotmurray:** bc i just did

 **TheDjoker:** wait wait **@Adotmurray** which channel is laver cup on?

 **TheDjoker:** i’m surfing through all of them but I still can’t find it

 **Adotmurray: @TheDjoker** tennis channel

 **TheDjoker:** hm

 **TheDjoker:** it’s not here

 **Adotmurray:** it’s on cable

 **TheDjoker:** ohh that’s why

 **TheDjoker:** yea jelena and I cancelled our subscription

 **Swissmaestro: @TheDjoker**?? wat why??

 **TheDjoker:** bc too much screen time is bad for u

 **Swissmaestro: @TheDjoker** well thank god no one else thinks like you or else laver cup wouldn’t be able to make money and i would be poor

 **Adotmurray: @Swissmaestro** u can shut ur mouth u filthy rich animal stop hogging all of the prize money

 **Adotmurray:** and **@TheDjoker** srsly??

 **Adotmurray:** **@TheDjoker** how do u even exist

 **TheDjoker: @Adotmurray** apparently without cable tv

 **Adotmurray:** bloody hell

 **Adotmurray:** ykw that is the last metaphorical straw

 **Adotmurray:** i am done with every single one of u

 **Adotmurray:** goodbye i shall sink into the depths of my icy cocoon and never return

 **Swissmaestro:** andy?

 **Swissmaestro:** andyyyyyyyyyy come back

 **TheDjoker:** it’s ok he just needs to sulk a bit

 **TheDjoker:** and yk

 **TheDjoker:** drown in the oceans of his own teenage bullshit

 **Rdotnadal:** i went to get water what happened when i was gone??

 **TheDjoker: @Rdotnadal** nothing just andy being andy

 **TheDjoker:** alright srsly tho

 **TheDjoker:** when are u guys playing your matches?

 **TheDjoker:** i gotta figure out a way to watch before then

 **Swissmaestro:** um

 **Swissmaestro:** i’m not playing today but rafa is in like half an hour

 **TheDjoker:** wait hold up i thought u guys were playing dubs??

 **Rdotnadal:** i tell u, all u guys make up weird things and get mad when they no come tru

 **Swissmaestro:** yea what rafa said

 **Swissmaestro:** we never explicitly said we’re gonna play dubs for sure

 **TheDjoker:** omg

 **TheDjoker:** you fucking liars

 **TheDjoker:** did u hear that sound

 **TheDjoker:** that was the sound of my heart shattering into more pieces than the # of rafa's FO titles

 **Swissmaestro:** wdym

 **Swissmaestro:** we can’t always live up to your ridiculous expectations, now can we

 **TheDjoker:** weren't u guys practicing together for dubs the other day??

 **TheDjoker:** remember it was the day **@Swissmaestro** had to break into domi's locker for Rafa's phone??

 **TheDjoker:** am I going crazy or is this all one big djoke?!

 **Swissmaestro:** dude we were only practicing for the *possibility* of a dubs match

 **Swissmaestro:** final decision on pairing us up or not is up to bjorn

 **Rdotnadal:** yes it is all up to bjorn, he will announce player lineup for tmrw later today

 **TheDjoker:** all up to bjorn huh?

 **TheDjoker:** what are the odds that he’s gonna put u two in dubs?

 **Swissmaestro:** no idea dude

 **Swissmaestro:** he’s not called iceman for nothing

 **Swissmaestro:** idk if he’s gonna give in to the hype or not

 **Rdotnadal:** very hard to tell what he is thinking

 **Rdotnadal:** no know for sure

 **TheDjoker:** sonuvabitch

 **TheDjoker:** ok fine it’s fine

 **TheDjoker:** desperate times call for desperate measures

 **TheDjoker:** i’m not taking the chance

 **TheDjoker:** gimme a sec

 **Swissmaestro:**??

 **Swissmaestro:** what are you planning to do ur making me nervous

 **Rdotnadal: @TheDjoker** nole pls say something

 **Swissmaestro: @Rdotnadal** ur match is up soon hurry up and get ready i’ll keep a watch on this idiot

 **Rdotnadal:** ok tell me if anything bad happens, i go to locker room now

 **Rdotnadal:** and again u don’t need to text me when i am three inches away from u

 **Swissmaestro:** lol alright

 **Swissmaestro:** good luck!!

 **Swissmaestro:** wait wtf

 **Swissmaestro: @TheDjoker** bjorn’s phone rang and he is now talking to someone on the tunnel and he sounds very concerned

 **Swissmaestro:** does this

 **Swissmaestro:** possibly have anything to do with you??

 **Swissmaestro:** hello??  
  
**Swissmaestro:** nole answer me

 **Swissmaestro:** ur scaring me

 **Swissmaestro:** novak

 **Swissmaestro:** novak hey

 **Swissmaestro:** novak DJOKOVIC

 **Swissmaestro:** are u ghosting me?

 **Swissmaestro:** fine

 **Swissmaestro:** i will now be as annoying as possible until u respond

 **Swissmaestro:** fo matches with rafa

 **Swissmaestro:**  sharapova screaming

 **Swissmaestro:** djokosmashes

 **Swissmaestro:**  ur singular french open LIKE ME

 **Swissmaestro:**  being shit at doubles

 **Swissmaestro:** ok not that shit

 **Swissmaestro:** but still pretty shit compared to me

 **Swissmaestro:** non gluten free food

 **Swissmaestro:** still nothing?

 **Swissmaestro:** damn

 **Swissmaestro:** you are a tough customer

 **Swissmaestro:** i see i have to bust out the big guns

 **Swissmaestro:** MR CROCODILOVIC

 **TheDjoker:** bitch no one calls me mr crocodilovic and lives to tell the tale

 **Swissmaestro:** o there u are

 **TheDjoker:** ur never getting another grand slam trophy as long as i exist

 **Swissmaestro:** yea well

 **Swissmaestro:** we’ll see what ur elbow has to say about that

 **Swissmaestro:** srsly tho wtf were u doing??

 **Swissmaestro:** bjorn just got off the phone and his face is kinda pale which is really concerning considering the fact that he shows no emotion 99.9% of the time

 **TheDjoker:** 99.9%? When’s the other .1%?

 **Swissmaestro:** just now when someone called him

 **Swissmaestro:** smh pay attention

 **Swissmaestro:** and i’m no sherlock but i have a feeling that the someone was *you*

 **TheDjoker:** lol

 **TheDjoker:** congrats u got me

 **TheDjoker:** also ur welcome

 **Swissmaestro:**?? what for

 **TheDjoker:** i

 **TheDjoker:** just fucking set up a dubs date between u and ur not-boyfriend on the tennis court

 **Swissmaestro:** um i’m sorry but

 **Swissmaestro:** what??

 **TheDjoker:** yes you read that right

 **TheDjoker:** i, novak djokovic, am fixing ur god damned problems

 **Swissmaestro:** omg

 **Swissmaestro:** what

 **Swissmaestro:** did you do

 **TheDjoker:** nothing special

 **TheDjoker:** enjoy ur date tmrw

 **Swissmaestro:** WHAT DID YOU DO

 **TheDjoker:** heh

 **TheDjoker:** have fun <3

 **Swissmaestro:** ANSWER ME YOU FUCKING BASTARD

 **TheDjoker:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Swissmaestro:** CROCODILOVIIIIIIIIIIC

 **TheDjoker:** adios sucker

 **Swissmaestro:** ARGHHHHHHHHFDSKA;LFJ

 

\--

 

**TheDjoker is privately messaging: Adotmurray**

**TheDjoker:** when they get married

 **TheDjoker:** i better be best man

 **TheDjoker:** sweet jesus

 **Adotmurray:** bruh what are u on and can i have some of it

 **Adotmurray:** bc think i deserve that title more

 **Adotmurray:** didn’t u see me earlier

 **Adotmurray:** i fucking 4d chessed them into cuddling more

 **Adotmurray:** reverse psychology bitches

 **TheDjoker:** I

 **TheDjoker:** FUCKING

 **TheDjoker:**  KNEW IT

 **TheDjoker:** i knew it! i knew it!

 **TheDjoker:** i knew it bc

 **TheDjoker:** you LOVE bad soap operas

 **TheDjoker:** there’s no way u would be complaining about watching coronation st with kim!!

 **TheDjoker: *** kim’s* the one who hates it

 **TheDjoker:** i can’t believe u actually conned them into huddling closer tho

 **TheDjoker:** those were some 200 IQ strats man

 **TheDjoker:** good thing i played along

 **Adotmurray:** just so you know

 **Adotmurray:** that’s still staying btwn us

 **Adotmurray:** i swear if the press or anyone else finds out

 **Adotmurray:** it’s game over for u nole

 **Adotmurray:** i will murder u and display ur body on the front lawn of Wimbledon

 **TheDjoker:** yes yes

 **TheDjoker:** you worry too much andy

 **TheDjoker:** what happens in a late-night drinking binge *stays* in a late-night drinking binge

 **Adotmurray:** that was the stupidest decision of my life

 **Adotmurray:** fuck

 **Adotmurray:** i blame the scotch

 **TheDjoker:** the scotch was great!!

 **TheDjoker:** the drinking challenge, on the other hand was

 **TheDjoker:** not so great

 **TheDjoker:** but that was ur fault for egging both of us on (•ˋ _ ˊ•)

 **TheDjoker:** ANYWAY that’s not what i wanted to talk about

 **TheDjoker:** because

 **TheDjoker:** actually forget best man, i should be declared godfather

 **TheDjoker:** i just threatened bjorn borg into making rafa and roger play dubs together tmrw

 **Adotmurray:** mate

 **Adotmurray:** i feel like i’ve just read incriminating evidence for a criminal trial but

 **Adotmurray:** how

 **Adotmurray:**??

 **TheDjoker:** i have shares thru shell companies in his underwear company

 **Adotmurray:** bjorn borg has an underwear company?

 **Adotmurray:** u have shell companies??

 **Adotmurray:** wot is going on

 **TheDjoker:** yes and yes but that’s not the point here

 **TheDjoker:** the point is *ahem*

 **TheDjoker:** i told him that if he didn’t announce rafa and roger as a dubs pairing later today

 **TheDjoker:** i was gonna go for a hostile takeover

 **TheDjoker:** and wreck his little investment into the ground

 **Adotmurray:** omg

 **Adotmurray:** that’s

 **Adotmurray:** idek what to say

 **Adotmurray:** why am i friends with you

 **TheDjoker:** bc u recognize that ur an infinitely mediocre player compared to me and that i’m an amazing person

 **Adotmurray:** lmao

 **Adotmurray:** mate the only mediocre thing going on here

 **Adotmurray:** is ur face

 **TheDjoker:** :(

 **TheDjoker:** ok ok fine just give me some credit alright

 **TheDjoker:** i blackmailed bjorn borg for the sake of #fedal

 **TheDjoker:** would it kill u to admit that i am somewhat deserving of praise??

 **Adotmurray:** ugh

 **Adotmurray:** yes nole

 **Adotmurray:** ur a wonderful human being and rainbows and butterflies follow u wherever u go

 **Adotmurray:** songbirds come and land on ur arm

 **Adotmurray:** mice dance in little coordinated tutus

 **Adotmurray:** sunshine beams are permanent spotlights

 **Adotmurray:** disney princesses don’t got nothing on novak djokovic

 **TheDjoker:** i would’ve preferred something more sincere

 **TheDjoker:** but since i am a generous person i will forgive you :)

 **Adotmurray:** golly gosh thank you lord novak

 **Adotmurray:** ok moving on from that nonsense

 **Adotmurray:** (jesus)

 **Adotmurray:** i’m guessing u still don’t have a cable subscription

 **Adotmurray:** how are u gonna watch the #fedal dubs tmrw?

 **TheDjoker:** oh about that

 **TheDjoker:** #fedal playing dubs together wasn’t the only thing that

 **TheDjoker:** i asked for from bjorn

 **Adotmurray:** holy fuck

 **TheDjoker:** i also made him give me

 **Adotmurray:** don’t tell me this shit

 **TheDjoker:** *drum rolls*

 **Adotmurray:** i don't need to be complicit in a criminal conspiracy with novak fucking djokovic

 **TheDjoker:** his tennis channel account and password :))))))))))))))

 **Adotmurray:** gr8 u actually told me

 **Adotmurray:** *sigh*

 **Adotmurray:** can someone out there pls be a bloody hero already and save me from this maniac

 

**Author's Note:**

> bad soap dramas don't got nothing on irl fedal
> 
> thank you so much for all the support!! this has been an incredibly therapeutic experience
> 
> Comments are still greatly appreciated ;)


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